ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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