I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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