Your tits are I can't wait for
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Are we still banned from the library?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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