i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
