I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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