No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
