as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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