Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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