Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I can't put those talents on a resume
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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