if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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