you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
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