my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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