I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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