I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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