i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
