My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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