Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
