i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
