Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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