Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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