Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
