you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
