found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
