I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
