This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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