If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You pole danced in your parka.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
