Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
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He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
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I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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