if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
