Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
