Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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