we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
being pregnant is like rehab
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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