My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
