Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
