Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
