Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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