No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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