I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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