Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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