Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
