haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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