she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
