ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
The best revenge is premature balding
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I could fuck to npr.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
