put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
