absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
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If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
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Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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