WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
