Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
