Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
