Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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