That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
