girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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