Who wears a wallet chain?!
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
