ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
