Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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