what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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