So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
