i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize