We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize