So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
