is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
