One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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