Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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