She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
