Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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