I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
