I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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