I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
