I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
