whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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