I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
