Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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