shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
