If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
