My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
