is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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