i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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