Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
