This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I've blown a few things in my day
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
