I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
