she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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