So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
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