I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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