Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
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Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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