Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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