So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
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