Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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