loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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