I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
